I’m extra apt to expertise the excessive and low spectrum of feelings than some folks. I leap backwards and forwards and expertise the best of highs and the bottom of lows. I’ve watched how intense my feelings may be and the way deep they run within me.
The excessive. A wavelength so sturdy that you simply imagine grandiose ideas about your self and your life, and proceed to imagine them for a time frame. It’s thrilling; it’s releasing; it’s exhilarating. It’s like you may drive for 1,000,000 miles via the mountains and deserts of this nation and really feel so one with your self. Nevertheless it’s additionally scary. It’s a twister that wraps you up and tosses and turns you till you’re so discombobulated that you simply really feel misplaced. You don’t understand it, however you’re damaged into 1,000,000 items and may’t appear to determine precisely learn how to put all of it again collectively.
The low. Washing over you want scorching water within the bathe, it rains down on you when you stand there, numb. You now see grey and really feel lifeless. Not prepared to behave on something, no hope for the longer term, no finish in sight. It’s an infinite darkish tunnel that you simply’re standing in alone and regardless of how loud you scream, your cries go unheard. You’re fading right into a model of your self that you simply don’t acknowledge and now every little thing feels meaningless.
Someplace in between the depths of the 2, stays you. Generally it’s onerous to decipher your self amongst all of the noise you hear inside.
However on the finish of the day, throughout or after the emotional volcano has erupted and ashes are falling all over the place, you keep in mind you might be nonetheless mendacity someplace beneath all of it and have management over your mind and you'll hunt down the issues that may reduce the blow of your feelings.
Trying again and past the entire chaos that occurred in my head, I understand I’m not falling into the depths and I’m not dashing forward and simply ready to crash anymore, I’m lastly standing nonetheless, toes agency on the bottom and stepping. One foot after the opposite. Taking it day-to-day.
Although my feelings could also be in every single place generally, I now perceive that they don’t outline me and that I can discover peace inside myself amongst the entire highs and lows. There's a center floor. And for those who’re in any respect feeling misplaced between the 2, please don’t imagine that you simply’re damaged. You’re stronger than and shortly you will discover your means. One step at a time.